Making Sausage

Rendering plants take dead animals and turn them into useful products.  Hot dogs and fertilizer are made from rendered meat.   

Smells associated with the mix of bone, carcass and offal are overwhelming.  Working in a rendering plant is, according to Mike Rowe, one of the seven dirtiest jobs on the planet.  No one likes to see the blood, hides, intestines and bones.  Everyone likes the pet food, makeup, lard and leather.  We can't have products  without process.

Process is preferred unseen and unmentioned.  Rendering isn't the only process we eschew.  Children are celebrated but childbirth is cloistered and anesthetized.  Blood, water, sweat and tears are nowhere to be found when the first baby pictures are taken.  Without the awful, there are no offspring.  I am discovering the necessity of process as a support-based missionary.

My wife does not like to hear me ask for support; not by phone, nor in person.  She plugs her ears and leaves the room cringing.  It is only a full eighteen months after I started raising support that I realize what I am doing to her.  A healthy ministry support team is a product that requires a process.

Name storming, written communication, phone calls, appointments, follow up and periodic updates are parts of the support raising process.  Most of the continuum occurs in the missionaries head, outbox and calendar.  If the process of support raising were a rendering plant, phone calls would make us run for the exits.  When someone tells me 'no' on the telephone, it makes my wife cringe.

She dislikes when my voice wavers with the fatigue of leaving another voicemail message.  We've been married long enough for her to recognize doubt in me.  Calls are fraught with fearful doubt.  Will they pick up; will they have time to talk; will they be able to set an appointment; will they reject me; will they cancel when I call to confirm an appointment?  Telephones are part of the process of raising support. 

God is using telephones to turn me into something useful.  Prayer closets, fasts and worship are tools God uses, but they require my participation.    Keystrokes are being used by the Savior to foment this confession.  Some tools are more effective when I'm cloistered.  Telephone calls are being revealed as opportunities for sanctification.  My wife isn't with me in the prayer closet but she approves the product of prayer.  She doesn't always know when I've fasted but can suspect when I haven't.  Our marriage is stronger when I worship with and without her.  Phone calls, without her present, expose my unbelief.

Steve Shadrach counsels, "The thing that will make you or break you will be whether or not you have really studied the Scriptures and gained a rock-solid conviction that continuing to personally ask others to invest in you and your ministry is good, is right, and is biblical! Have you put in the time to objectively, inductively, and thoroughly study the Scriptures on this topic prior to forming your beliefs and approaches? If not, you need to decide what is going to control you before you embark on this adventure. Will it be fear of rejection or failure? Other people’s opinions? Past experiences? Or the Word of God?" (God Ask by Steve Shadrach, location 833 of 6074).

I've studied the scriptures and believe that, in this season, I am supposed to make disciples among first responders.  I believe God uses the people I call to provide prayer and financial support.  They'll test, reject, validate and instruct me.  They'll put me on hold, say 'yes', inspire me or ask me to call at a later date.  More important than their responses, however, is my obedience in entering the room, closing the door and picking up the telephone.

Rendering plants, and telephones, are overwhelming processes leading to desired outcomes. 

The Cross of Jesus was an overwhelming process that led to a desired outcome.

Must Jesus bear the Cross alone and all the world go free?  No, there's a cross for everyone and there's a cross for me.

The Fat Man

I have a boss named The Fat Man.  Fat is an organizational boss demanding satisfaction.  He is happiest when eating or airing his opinion.  Because he's my boss, I am supposed to keep him happy.  How do you keep a fat man happy?  You keep his jaws moving.

I learned of the Fat Man when reading Henry Cloud:

If you have ever heard the term "self-talk," you know what this means.  We actually have "voices" in our heads, designed to be there by God.  And they guide us.  They help us grow, learn and mature.  when children are small, their parents fill their heads with messages like, "You can do it, just stick to it."  "You are loved, even when you fail."  "You have gifts and abilities - go use them."  "Don't go out in the street before you look to your right and left."  On and on, these messages are implanted into our heads and become part of our thinking, behaving and being.  It is so automatic that after a point, we do not even know we are thinking them.  We just live them out.
But sometimes we get messages from parents and others that are not helpful, but they still dictate our behavior.  It's like we have a bad boss in our heads saying, "You're not able to do it.  You won't amount to anything."  "Who do you think you are, thinking you can do that?" "You're stupid." Etc. etc.  Then, because of the way the brain is designed, those messages are internalized as well, and they become part of us, so much so that they can drive...automatic patterns. We think certain things and do not even know we are thinking them. But we obey them nevertheless.

Never Go Back by Henry Cloud pg. 242

I have a bad boss named The Fat Man.  Fat is a bad boss because I worry if he's talking about me.  Does he like me?  How can I keep his jaws moving about something other than me?  Who or what can I feed the Fat Man to keep him happy?  Congregational leadership revealed the depth of Fat's influence on me.

The Fat Man kept my attention on congregational bosses.  My eyes were taken off of obedience in next steps with Jesus for fear of disappointing.  Fat came to see a show, enjoy popcorn and critique the performance.  I was supposed to obey the Word, meet the Spirit and cast vision.  Disconnections between my ideals and performance changed my self perception.

"...psychologists emphasize the importance of healthy self-talk.  What research shows is that your internal self-talk is, for the most part, on "automatic" -- you are not even aware of the message that guide you.  But when you do become aware of them and change the way you talk to and guide yourself, you change as a person.  The Bible says over and over that we are as we think in our hearts (Proverbs 23:7) and that we need to "renew our minds" (Romans 12:2).  It tells us to "take every thought captive" (2 Corinthians 10:5), as if our thoughts are invaders into the land of our hearts and minds.  "Capture the trespasser in your head!  Kick them out!" God says.

 Never Go Back by Henry Cloud pg. 243

I am firing the Fat Man.  His satisfactory intake is not my responsibility.  As a Christian, my highest aim is to please Christ.  All others, including the Fat Man, have to wait their turn.  The more I serve the Lord, the more I see how unhelpful giving anyone else a turn can be.  Every waking hour should be spent in obedient response to call. 

I've already spent enough time in observation of the Fat Man's jaws.  Turning my gaze from the Fat Man reminds:

On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts. (1 Thessalonians 2:4 NIV)